I have the most obscure, least important problem, and it’s driving me crazy.

There was this roleplaying chatroom a few of my friends and I spent a lot of time on. It was called Dark World by Night at one point, then ImagineChat at another. When you entered your screen name, you could use some HTML. If you wanted to DM someone, you could select their name from a list at the top of the page. Because the list displayed the first 30 or so characters of your screen name, you could customize how your name appeared in the list by adding text to the beginning of your name, then hiding it with HTML. Your name would appear one way in the main chat window, and another way in the DM list (and, importantly, the Who’s Here list on the chat site’s main page).

It quickly became the cool thing to do, but it ended up hindering the user experience of the site. Instead of just rendering their screen names in a fun way, people would make up suggestive little phrases. It was seldom obvious who was who. My demon character Astaroth, for example, was ~^Unanswerable Justice^~. My clinically insane vampire character Milos was that bloody lunatic…... And so on.

Here’s my problem: I remember hearing a song lyric that would have been a great hidden name for a Dark World by Night character. I don’t remember what the lyric was.

No, it doesn’t matter at all. Yes, I have been spending inordinate amounts of energy trying to figure it out.

I have a few clues:

  • I have the sense that I heard it and had the same thought multiple times.
  • I believe I heard the song after we stopped playing on DWbN, possibly after the site was defunct.
  • I remember the phrase having a certain shape: something like [adjective/adverb] [word ending in -ing] [noun/verb], and [one syllable] [two to three syllables] [one syllable].
  • I feel like the song in question had a female vocalist and was dramatic or epic.

I initially thought it was from Disturbed. I’m aware of two people who used Disturbed lyrics in their “tags.” One used a line from “Rise” as a quote under their name.

I cannot stop this pure emotion…

Another used a line from “Believe.”

Another taste of the evil I breed will level you completely

When I couldn’t find my answer in Disturbed lyrics, I looked to Nightwish. I listened to them constantly throughout the years I was active on DWbN and well after. I was surprised to find only one standout option: “Dark Passion Play,” both a lyric and the name of an album.

That may be it, but I hope not. It doesn’t feel like it, but I know memory is a tricky thing.

I’ve been scouring my music library, thinking back through what I was listening to at what times. Union Underground in the days of commuting between Sacramento and Grass Valley. Killswitch Engage starting much earlier than I remembered. Dragonforce when I moved back to Sac and got that drafting job.

Was it later in my life? I don’t think it was when I was living with my friend from church. It could have been early in my daughter’s life, maybe when we first moved to the first house my wife and I bought. That would likely place it on one of my early playlists.

I had forgotten about some of the electronic music I had been listening to at the time. That was often big and dramatic, and had female vocalists. “The Darkness” by Built by Titan yielded nothing, but felt like a step in the right direction. Even as I write this, I feel a sense of confirmation.

“Shatter Me” by Lindsey Stirling? No.

“I Remember” by Tristam? No.

“Get Well” by Icon for Hire? Wait.

I’ve had it with this suicidal recital

That might be it. I think that’s it!

Wait, lemme try something…

-~:|suicidal recital|:~-

Yup. That’s it. Thank God. I feel like my brain can breathe again.